For those of you following me or come upon my blogs I just want to stress that I am starting from the moment I became bulimic and some moments throughout my life that either helped me or enabled me to be sick. I feel God has led me to blog in this way. I have no idea what he has in store for me but I am so anxious to find out! If my openness helps others than so be his will. I pray before I blog and asked God to guide me with my thoughts and words. If I jump around and sometimes don't fall in sync with what I was doing before just bare with me :) The Lord has his reasons!
My children are now home and in my complete care. I am sure most of us as new mothers have a small set of "PANIC' that enters our mind. The hospital spoils us rotten! They check on us continually, answer all the questions, step in and do the hard work for us, allow us to rest, and the list goes on. When you go home its just you and baby! Or in my case babies! I don't know about you but I was anxious to hold my children and take care of the them (even though I had no clue exactly how to do that). It seemed like the nurses always had some dumb excuse to take my baby! I remember being frustrated over this. I was thinking "Hey I did all the hard work lady, you didn't carry those children, I did! Give them to me and back off!" O dear Aundrea how immature and silly you were! By the time I had my 5th, I was like "Yes, you may take him and bathe him and do what you need to do, I will sneak in a short cat nap while he is away :)" Does that make me a bad mother? I thought it might, but then again I thought "Nope because its the last night of sleep your gonna get ...... till he is 18!" HA!
Anyway, Because of my current state, I was not healthy enough to supply my children enough breast milk that they went to formula at 5 months. Surprisingly I did not find this a failure at all, more as "you made it the 6 weeks they ask for" type thing! One thing I know that most of you are unaware of is the way we physically feel during this time. Its a feeling to which we learn to adapt too! For me it started after I gave birth to my twins and they required so much of my attention and time. I ate enough I felt to get me through the day with little to do before I had children. Now that my kids are here.... I am up earlier, less sleep, less food, less energy... everything is just less.
So I began having bowl issues. (Gross I know, but its serious) Apparently what is normal is to go at least once a day and have a good movement. I however go every 3 to 4 days. When I was told that I was suppose to be going everyday I thought that was very odd!! I mean seriously who does that? Um...everybody does :-/ Awkward!!! .... So that is symptom number one that you just adapt too. Now all of us ladies know that when its our "special week" we feel bigger than a pigmy hippo!! Dang bloating!! Really? Why does that even exist? We have issues with the way we look already, now you go and add times where we can't fit into our pants without laying down on the bed! Ugh! Well for someone who has this disease it doesn't just happen then but it can happen many times through the month. Which only makes us that much more angry with the way we feel and look! Bloating and I are NOT best friends even though we spend so much time together! The next symptom is dehydration. Now you ask my husband about this one and he can tell you that there has been too many too count of visits to the hospital because I was so dehydrated. I struggle with this one a lot. Because I was in the hospital for it so much, the doctor told him how to test me and spot it happening before I got to the point of needing fluids. That's just sad! I have been soooo much that now the doctor is showing my husband ways to keep me from coming in..... "that's ridiculous Aundrea"! Why don't you drink enough to keep yourself healthy? Why?? Sadly I can't even answer that question right now, because I honestly don't know it.
This is just the first three symptoms that I deal with on a weekly, bi-weekly or monthly basis! I have learned to just roll with it and come to an understanding that this is the way your body is normally suppose to feel. Because it is so late and I have written so much already I will continue with the other symptoms tomorrow. Sadly the symptoms don't get any better but some are even worse :(