Monday, February 27, 2012

Lord heal me from these symptoms!

So there are a few more symptoms that I struggle with on a constant basis. Another symptom is dry skin. It is mainly noticeable on my knees and elbows. It drives me nuts! It "seems" like these symptoms all start appearing at the same time. I then get the anxiety and wonder what is going on with my body! I get angry because I am irritated with how my skin is looking. I shouldn't be surprised why I have these symptoms but I am in denial many days of what is going on. The next one is an irregular heartbeat. Sometimes my sitting heart rate can be so fast! I have had my husband check it many times because I thought it was going to jump out of my chest!!! I remember one day I had done absolutely nothing, just had a great lazy day but just didn't feel right. My body caught up with me and all the void I gave it and my sitting heart rate was 102. Really? Now I have also had the complete opposite! I felt no energy, no umph, nothing. I don't feel right then either. Those days my husband complains because my heartbeat is so soft he can't read it at any pulsing places. This is part of the disease I hate the most. It makes me feel so bad. My anxiety gets the better of me on those days too. When my chest hurts you automatically think "HEART ATTACK"!! Then that just makes it worse. Anxiety is NOT your friend! I know all of us have experienced anxiety and most know how to handle it. This is what I need to learn better and beat the sinful mess of allowing it to get the better of me.

Ok so this next one happens at least 5 out of 7 days. I hate that I have to adapt to it! I can't stand that I don't know or grasp what it is that I need to do to beat it either! I know so many people have tried but its just like with anything. You can yell it, mention it a billion times, show examples, ect. and it won't do any good unless I am willing to listen and change. I am not trying to be ugly about the help, I just mentally can not grasp it. My mind is a constant battle! I fight more with my mind than I do with anything else! The symptom is tingling and numbing of my face, hands, fingers and even my feet. If you sit beside me in church or anywhere else you will notice that I can not keep my legs in one position very long. I lose sensation from them. If my legs are crossed I will switch them about every 10-15 minutes. I play with things in my hands when I am just sitting down listening because if I am not moving them often they go completely numb. I actually take breaks as I write my blog because I lose feeling in some of my fingers. The tingling can get so bad on my face that sometimes I can slap my face and not feel anything but pins and needles. I absolutely HATE this feeling!! But what do I do to change it?? Am I willing to take the jump to make it happen? Why am I so stinkin' stubborn!! AHHHHH ...... Lord, I need your help!! :( this is not a normal way to live!

Another symptom is muscle cramps! I get these ALOT in my legs (calves) especially when I am asleep! I have had people tell me to eat more bananas that I am lacking in potassium! Or drink some gatorade! When I listen and do it! Yes I do feel a lot better and the cramps don't happen as often! But I won't drink a lot of gatorade because of all the sugar it contains and I get tired of bananas and take breaks from them. A symptom I get that goes along with this is very low potassium! When I have this my husband knows it. My dehydration kicks in, my very low pulse happens, and I have absolutely no energy. My chest hurts. Its a mess! I am 31 years old and I am feeling like someone at least 40 years older! Ridiculous simply ridiculous!

I get headaches and blurry vision all the time. I was told that I needed glasses but it was only at night when I am driving. So what's going on the rest of the time if I don't need them on a regular basis? I have had some fainting or blacking out spells. There have been a couple incidents my husband was terrified because I was OUT! There was also a time my mom was curling my hair for school because it was the first day at a new school and I was just nervous and needed perfection! So of course I am gonna have my momma do her magic! I needed to make a different impression on these people than I did at the other school. I let the no eating, anxiety, dehydration ect.. get the best of me and I passed out while she was doing my hair. She said I fell to the floor and barely missed hitting my head on the bathtub. Sadly I just told my mom a lie that I was just nervous and it was my "time of the month" and that made me feel weird. Great......that's where the lying began! Unproud moment and not fun thinking about either. 

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