Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Bulimia begins....

I want to explain to you that there are many different forms of Bulimia. I will definitely fill you in on the different types, as I have learned how to adapt to each one. Most know of the type that consists of eating and then throwing up later so that they don't gain any weight. I have been this type off and on through out my life. For me I was at a perfect weight and in order for me to maintain that weight I would eat and then shortly after I would throw up. I have used all kinds of ways to get rid of it. There is taking your toothbrush and putting it just far enough back that my gag reflexes would kick in and then "yes the damage is coming undone". I would use my finger as well to help me when my toothbrush wasn't close. My gag reflex got easier and easier the more I did it. It finally got to a point that I could mentally make myself sick without the help of anything. I would eat and then in my mind say "Aundrea, this is going to make your stomach upset you really shouldn't have eaten it." I would dwell on this for at least 30 minutes and before long I would start feeling nauseous. I would then collectively leave and get to the bathroom just in time to throw it all up.

I am thinking "Sweet, I can control this to where I can now do it in other places rather than just my home." Look at me....I am thinking this nasty habit is something pretty clever! Unfortunately for me, I began doing it so much that it became uncontrollable at one point. I remember going out with my senior class after homecoming dance. We would go after the dances to Shoney's and eat breakfast because it was late at night! I remember being hungry and eating a fair amount of food. I was dating my husband at the time and this dude could eat! LOL He was tiny and could have fourths and not gain a pound....how?? who knows! (And yes I was jealous of it, I had to stinkin' get rid of my junky food in order to stay skinny....) Anyway, I remember that I was fixing to get in his car for him to take me home and out of nowhere I just "threw up" all over his clothes.... :( that was not romantic at all! I just knew right then that he was going to dump me. I mean who does that?? Seriously?

I couldn't believe I couldn't control it. Well no matter how embarrassing that was for me, God used it for good. He made Kris aware of my issue. Thankfully he did not dump me, instead he started to watch my habits and take notice of the way I treat food and where I go after I eat food. I had no clue he was being so observant of my habits. If I did I am pretty positive I would have tried to cover it up better. During this time he proposed to me. I was so excited about it!! but it came with a price. The price was not given to me till a few months later. He caught on to my disappearing acts, my frequent bathroom breaks (haha for a second there I almost put "potty" breaks! LOL life of a mother) anyway, he told me that he loved me but if I did not stop making myself puke he would NOT marry me.

Of course denial sets in and I try to convince him he was crazy! But that didn't work. He was serious and he had my love and I couldn't stand for the one person in my life that loved me for me, to leave. So I slowly stopped with his help and his patience "I" conquered throwing up after I eat! He was excited that we beat this together and it was over ........................so he thought ...............

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