Wednesday, March 7, 2012


I am sorry I have not been posting everyday like I promised I would. We were blessed with the flu bug and it has taken ALOT out of me! 4 out of 5 kiddos had fever today and I wasn't doing so-so. However I did manage to finish up one of my school courses today. I was thankful that I had plenty of downtime to do it. Sadly it was because my spunky kiddos were just really laid back and quiet. Today we pretty much lounged all day. We have laid in my bed together for most of the day. We have chitchatted and played games. I was able to have great conversations with my daughters and as well as my sons. I never thought I would be thankful for a flu bug but I must say this quarantine has been so nice. I was able to bond with my children. I realized I missed them! I haven't been spending the time I needed to with my sweeties! They grow up fast enough and I don't want to miss out on anything!

I got lost in the hustle and bustle of things lately. I have been trying so hard to please people that I lost who I really am! Why am I spending time trying to please people? I should be spending my time with my children, husband and God. Wait?! Let me put that in the right order. I should be spending time with God, my husband and my children. I have overwhelmed myself with things that do not matter. Friendships yes they matter and that's not what I am talking about. I am talking about petty things I have let come into my life. I have a friend who means the WORLD to me!! She, with her loving heart talked to me about how I have been lately. I have been let's face it ..... AN EMOTIONAL WRECK. I have done exactly two of things that are a social consequence of mine! I started isolating myself from people especially the ones closest to me. I start feeling that they don't have my best interest at heart. I think they are out to get me and pick on me. Its such an ugly thought and feeling. I am a happy person who loves people. Not this emotional wreck who is in constant worry about everything! Where is my joy? That is what is missing! My JOY!!! It is because I have not let Jesus be the center of my life lately. I was scared and feeling shameful. I pushed my family away. I don't understand why this vicious cycle keeps happening over and over again?

Because the devil won't let me be! He is angry with me for trying to get out of this nasty bondage! He doesn't want me to seek help. He doesn't want me to get better. Why? Because it hurts my growth as a Christian. He is scared of me and who I will become if I beat this!! That just gives me that much more encouragement to beat this crap! I have felt the prayers from you and it is what has helped me get through this past week. I have been able to mend a few relationships and move on past this ickiness I am in. I am going to seek professional help. I fought against this because I thought that means I am a failure. But its the complete opposite. It means I am a winner for getting the help I need! Please be in prayer as I search for the perfect counselor to help me surpass this dungeon I am in. 

Many Blessings,

Thought this song was perfect!

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