Thursday, March 1, 2012


This morning was an eventful morning. I have been struggling lately with taking deep breaths and being able to breathe well. I had an allergy test Monday with all those prickly pokes all over your back and arm. Yeah, so anyway (don't want to talk about it, painful and just not a good thing to think about).. had that done and found out that I am allergic to all trees, pollens, flowers, grasses, molds...pretty much all of God's planted creation. I will start next week getting allergy shots twice a week. Let me just say I am a HUGE weenie when it comes to needles! I wanted to literally punch that sweet nurse that kept poking me all over with those dang needles! And now your telling me that I will have to be pricked twice a week! "Lord, I am just curious if you knew that I was going to be allergic to your beautiful planted creation, why did you not give me skin of leather, or the ability to handle pain so well? What I am suppose to learn and take from this?" I dwelt on this all day long! I was so depressed! So in my mind I believe that this is why I am having issues with my breathing. I tell the Pulmonologist that I feel the breathing is allergy induced. He agreed it could be a possibility but insisted that I go through other tests to make sure I am not asthmatic or have clots in my lungs. So I get out of bed this morning around 7:30 and do my prayer time. I then get ready for the appointment and leave the house around 8:45 to get to my appointment. No I didn't not think once about breakfast or what I should eat, I popped in 2 pieces of doublemint gum and knew that would last me till lunch.

So I am on the road and already terrified at this point because the nurse told me on the phone that they were going to try and cause me to have an asthma attack. Why in the world would you want to push my lungs that far? I prayed the whole way there! I thought about the negatives of the test and why I should just turn around and go home. Then I thought about the positives of this test and how it will eliminate the other things they "thought" could be an issue. I know that there are still two other tests I am scheduled for and why bother, ugh I am so sick of these tests!!! My nerves are shot by the time I get to my appointment which was at 9:30. During this test I am breathing as hard as I can and also inhaling this weird chemical stuff! I suck it in and blow it out and it makes this weird smoke look! It was actually pretty neat, and I thought about the smoke to keep my mind off the test. (You would probably laugh at me if you knew what was floating around in my brain at that time Ha!) Don't know what will become of the test but I was thankful it was over. That stuff they gave me made me so shaky for almost the whole afternoon. That I did not like! I couldn't hold anything without it just shaking! My kids laughed because I couldn't write down examples for them to go by while we were doing fractions! The stuff is Evil I tell ya! LOL

I get home this afternoon thinking about what I need to eat for lunch because by this time it is almost noon and I am not feeling that well. I ended up eating some cottage cheese, tomatoes and with black pepper. I could live off of that stuff! I know most people think it is sooo gross, but I absolutely LOVE it! I think my kids love it because it is what I would eat the whole time I was pregnant! LOL. You take my kids to a salad bar and they are gonna get : Cottage Cheese, Sunflower seeds, Tomatoes and a Boiled Egg! haha! That's a great meal for me :) Fulfilling and low in calories! Anyway. That is what I ended up having for lunch. I got to work on my schoolwork again and flustered by the APA formatting! I am so use to writing in Turabian that its just not flowing with me! So my wonderful Bestie calls me and helps me the best she can. She doesn't realize how much that meant to me! Anytime we talk reality disappears and its just like a relaxing, unstressed peaceful breeze of happiness! So thank you Bestie for that! I snacked a little before we headed out. I ate a few pieces of candy and some white cheddar popcorn.

A sweet friend of mine from church asked me to dinner and so we skipped Zumba (although in my mind I am thinking about all those wonderful calories I needed to burn off, but I could sure use a night out too, soo suck it up!) and headed out to eat and shop! We ended up ordering this yummy Frito Pie and had a sundae for dessert!

I feel that even though my morning and afternoon started out stressful and I had a bit of an anxiety attack; it ended up being one of my better days. So I am very thankful for today and know for a fact the reason it ended so well, is because I started my day out with my alone time with my Savior Jesus Christ! He knew exactly when I was at my low point today and knew exactly what I would need to keep a float! I pray that when you have your prayer time with him, that you ask him to be the void you search for. To fill your cup with all his goodness, comfort, strength, mercy, love and wisdom. That even though the day has just begun you respond to each thing that comes your way with an attribute of him. And when you ask, you will receive it! It felt like nothing could defeat me today!! I can't help but be excited about what tomorrow may bring! Tonight I don't go to bed with the dread of another day!

1 comment:

  1. You are so brave! I wouldn't have ever guessed that you struggled with an eating disorder. You are beautiful Aundrea. Thank you for sharing your story. I'll pray for you.