Intervention

I started this blog as something that would hold me accountable for the journey and the decisions that I will make in my life. I am a Christian woman who has prayed multiple times asking God to show me what I am suppose to do with my life. I didn't realize that the answer I was fixing to receive would be such a strong one. I am going to school right now and getting my Bachelor's in Religion with a Minor in Christian Counseling. I have been blessed that the classes I have been taking were helping me build a better and closer relationship with Christ. I decided to take a course in Counseling Women because I knew my heart and passion is to help other women. As I have been going through these classes God has been doing so much work on me. It amazes me how broken I was and how much time he has put into me to help me get better. I am thinking "sweet God is fixing me up and I am gonna be exactly who he wants me to be". I thought I was at the peak of all I could learn and then whammo he shows me that I am really still just at the beginning.

I am thinking really? Lord. I thought I was learning well and doing what I was suppose to be doing? I am doing prayer journals and quiet time with you, Bible reading, praying throughout the day; I am teaching my kids at home but biblically based and being the Godly wife that I am suppose to be. I think of others and give my time selflessly. I give my all to our local church, and yet I am still at the beginning? He was like "yes my dear". He made sure I felt his love and appreciation for all I have done already. But what he really wanted was all of "me".  I thought I was giving him all of me till I asked him to show me what he was referring to. And when you ask God be ready because he will give it to you trust me on that! Wow was I hit with a light bulb moment and not a fun one at all. What he revealed to me was that I have a serious disorder called "Bulimia".

Me? No way! I have been down that road before and know that I have conquered it! "I" conquered it. Then I thought about what I said? Wait "I" conquered it? How? I was ignorant in how serious this disorder is.

Bulimia is a compulsive eating (binge) followed by self-induced purging by vomiting, laxatives, diuretics, fasting, enemas, excessive exercise to control weight. Out of control eating and fear of gaining weight. I tend to show mood stability and impulse control problems.  My symptoms that occur at least twice a week are:

Gastric distress
Headaches
Skin irritations
Electrolyte disturbances
Low Potassium
Sensitivity to cold
Low pulse and temperature
Hair loss
Weakness and anxiety
Low blood sugar
Dizziness and Numbness to my body
Reduced ability to concentrate


Other things I have experienced on a continual basis is:

Large weight fluctuations whether I go up or down and its usually 10 pounds
Depression

I have impulsive, poorly controlled episodes of binge-eating.
I will consume high calorie foods in excessive quantities then feel uncomfortable and disgusted after I do. I will then do a chronic or sporadic diet or just fasting. I withdrawal socially from people because I don't like how I feel about myself. I know they must think the same thing of me that I feel about myself. That in turn will cause me to be depressed and have anxiety or panic attacks. I start avoiding my daily chores as a wife, mother, friend...ect. I have very low self esteem and know that everyone sees it or senses it so they avoid me.

This brings me to the point of my blog. I am a mother of 5, a happily married woman of 11 years and a strong believer in Jesus Christ. But I am still human. I still fail and fall just as anyone else. I need to beat this disease. I have two gorgeous girls and I do not want them to worry about the things that I constantly worry about. I need accountability to do better for them. I am determined to write everyday as I journey through this and defeat it! It will be a long process. I will be very descriptive in how I describe what I think throughout the day and how this disease can take over ones mind. I want people to understand the daily fight one has with food and image. This journal is going to take you into the mind of a Bulimic person and how different they think than those who don't have this disease. Please be in prayer for me! I will explain how I got this disease and how real it really is. I have been battling this for 15 years. Its time to say goodbye and change so that I can be the woman of God that he has planned for me to be!